Monday, May 21, 2007

Welcome to Elsir Vale!

Well, it seems to be a grim situation, as we follow Bifur and Bofur and their prisoner off to the Hammersmith Holds. They're firm but fair, it seems.

Anyway, other than Oppillaa being a prisoner, we've been travelling through some very lovely country. We came down this old dwarven road (called "The Dwarfroad" for some reason) through the Wyrmsmoke Mountains and onto another road called "Old North Road". We crossed over Skull Gorge (pretty!) and into the beautiful Elsir Vale. We spent one night at Drellin's Ferry, then Terrelton, and down to the Wyvernwatch Mountains to Hammerfirst Holds.

I have been to this area before, but not for 20 years. Maybe when this business is sorted out we can go visiting. At the moment we've come to a small settlement outside the dwarven fortifications. They have a large moat filled with crocodiles, and it seems we have to ride the crocodiles to get across. That'll be exciting! We have to leave the wagons here, but we'll take some snake oil and the Princess's spell books and so on.

Hmm... it looks like there are some monkeys here which are going to carry our things for us. Or are they trying to steal it?

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Oppillaa Off to Jail?

These two dwarves (Bifur and Bofur) told us that Oppillaa is wanted for "Desertion" and "Dereliction of Duty". Which seems to mean that she was supposed to return to Hammerfist Holds after visiting Fazzell but she came with us instead and now she's in trouble about it. Oh well, it looks like we're all off to Hammerfist Holds!

Garm has told us that he'll be staying here - his job is to look after roads, not to gallivant inside mountains. Oh well... maybe we'll see him again one day. The dwarves have told me they'll let me sell snake oil, so I've got business to see to.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Oppillaa Arrested!

Two big burly dwarves have just come in and taken Oppillaa away! Oh goodness me! More details as they come to hand!

Monday, April 30, 2007


Well, after that long siege and and even longer night in the tavern, we've all woken feeling great this morning. I was up at the crack of dawn selling snake oil in the town square. The grateful townsfolk have offered to sell us anything in the shops at half price, so Pansy stocked up on eggs and ham and cakes and whatnot. Someone even gave Oppillaa a pony!

Unk seems to be busy at the temple of Kord - I do hope he's not annoying Snorri too much! Athelred seems to be relaxing and has been playing music to attract people to my wagon. The princess has even bought a new set of clothes - something faintly more sensible! Garm seems to be out tending the roads around the village. I hope he has an armed guard with him! I think Hellsby and Oppillaa are still asleep.


Goodness gracious! What a night it has been! There have been many battles but the goblins have been chased off and everything is back to normal. Oh, no it's not... I'll get to that.

From what I can make out, Oppillaa and Hellsby were hiding outside the town hall when one of the goblins inside looked out and saw them. They went to hide but two more goblins came out of the forest. My guess is that they'd been out looking for that bugbear. They had a plan where Hellsby would distract one of the goblins and Oppillaa would fight the other, which was a great plan except for Oppillaa's fit of the clumsies which very quickly had her lying bleeding on the ground at the fit of a completely healthy goblin. Hellsby meanwhile had run off to Unk and Eirik and so on. Even they had trouble with the goblin, with Eirik very nearly being killed.

Once they saw the goblin chasing Hellsby the princess became very concerned for Oppillaa's safety and took Garm off to find her. They encountered the goblin that had struck her down, and Garm had to fight it by himself. The princess managed to find Oppillaa and save her for the second time in one night! Snake oil to the rescue again! And they said it didn't work...

Anyway, remember that goblin who looked out of the window? Apparently he raised the alarm. When the dust had settled with the first two goblins, Hellsby got Unk to lift him onto the roof of a building so he could look into the town square. The three goblin archers who were waiting there (with the worg and its rider) took a pot-shot at him. (Oh yes, I forgot to tell you that Eirik had run back to the townsfolk and me to tell us what was happening.) So Hellsby and Oppillaa conferred behind the inn while trying to figure out what to do. The goblins seemed to be impatient - they started shooting flaming arrows at the roof of the inn where they'd seen Hellsby! To make matters worse, the goblins from the town hall had rounded up the women and children and were trying to escape from the town taking them with them!

Eventually the princess came up with a plan of her own - she'd cast a spell on them. So she and Athelred and Oppillaa snuck around the side of the building and she put the goblins to sleep. Unk stomped around the other side of the building and killed one of them just as the sweet dreams started. Athelred and Oppillaa fought the wolf, but then the goblins started waking up. So quickly! So Princess Valmyra cast her Color Spray spell on them, and that knocked most of them out. Unk killed the other one, and Athelred and Oppillaa killed the wolf. That was very impressive considering Oppillaa had nearly been killed by a goblin herself.

Meanwhile, Eirik had raised the alarm and the decision had been made by Christian the Fletcher to storm the barricades. Eirik and Snorri and Christian and Malachi Blackcrow and Big Nellie rushed the goblin barricade and started fighting them. Garm and Hellsby came along and helped them as well.

It seemed then that all of the goblins were dead except for the ones trying to escape with the women and children, so all of the fighting people grouped together and chased them. At the front was Big Nellie, and it seems she was so scary the goblins just turned tail and fled. Victory!

Oh yeah... except... the inn was burning down. We quickly formed a bucket brigade and saved most of it, but we won't be staying there tonight. Flora Sweethumb has kindly offered us accommodation in the town hall instead. And Walter the Taylor has given Hellsby a puppy - a Saint Bernard which he says he'll call Sammy.

Ahh... it will be nice to have a rest and several breakfasts in the morning. We have some shopping to do and some other things to take care of. I do hope there's no more drama.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Eirik and Snorri

I've been talking to Eirik and Snorri Bloodaxe about how two worshippers of Kord - the god of barbarians - came to be living in a (usually) peaceful little village. It turns out they were originally barbarian invaders who came sailing down the coast in a longship to plunder and pillage. It was their first trip. MOST EMBARRASSINGLY, Eirik suffered from terrible seasickness and had to stay with the boat when the others went to pillage and plunder. When the other invaders returned to the boat they were giving him a hard time about it, so Snorri took him away. The boat returned to the barbarian lands leaving Eirik and Snorri all by themselves. They found a quiet village where they could live a life without any boats at all. Eirik is still quite barbaric though - apparently his method of slaughtering cattle is unnecessarily enthusiastic.

More About Pansy

Someone was asking how I met Pansy. I think they thought she was my girlfriend. No, I only ever had one true love, and that ended in all sorts of sadness. Pansy is a cousin of mine, by which I mean she's my great-grandfather's granddaughter's niece-in-law. One time a couple of years ago I went through home selling snake oil and she asked me if I could take her to the city because she was bored with life in the village. I told her about my experience in the city and that I'd never take her there, so she asked if she could come with me. She is a much better cook than I am, and she's good with the ponies too, so she's a pleasure to have around. I think her aunt-in-law is suspicious of me travelling with a young girl such as her, but she is only 33 after all. If the shattered pieces of my heart ever reassemble... but they won't.