Monday, April 30, 2007


Well, after that long siege and and even longer night in the tavern, we've all woken feeling great this morning. I was up at the crack of dawn selling snake oil in the town square. The grateful townsfolk have offered to sell us anything in the shops at half price, so Pansy stocked up on eggs and ham and cakes and whatnot. Someone even gave Oppillaa a pony!

Unk seems to be busy at the temple of Kord - I do hope he's not annoying Snorri too much! Athelred seems to be relaxing and has been playing music to attract people to my wagon. The princess has even bought a new set of clothes - something faintly more sensible! Garm seems to be out tending the roads around the village. I hope he has an armed guard with him! I think Hellsby and Oppillaa are still asleep.


Goodness gracious! What a night it has been! There have been many battles but the goblins have been chased off and everything is back to normal. Oh, no it's not... I'll get to that.

From what I can make out, Oppillaa and Hellsby were hiding outside the town hall when one of the goblins inside looked out and saw them. They went to hide but two more goblins came out of the forest. My guess is that they'd been out looking for that bugbear. They had a plan where Hellsby would distract one of the goblins and Oppillaa would fight the other, which was a great plan except for Oppillaa's fit of the clumsies which very quickly had her lying bleeding on the ground at the fit of a completely healthy goblin. Hellsby meanwhile had run off to Unk and Eirik and so on. Even they had trouble with the goblin, with Eirik very nearly being killed.

Once they saw the goblin chasing Hellsby the princess became very concerned for Oppillaa's safety and took Garm off to find her. They encountered the goblin that had struck her down, and Garm had to fight it by himself. The princess managed to find Oppillaa and save her for the second time in one night! Snake oil to the rescue again! And they said it didn't work...

Anyway, remember that goblin who looked out of the window? Apparently he raised the alarm. When the dust had settled with the first two goblins, Hellsby got Unk to lift him onto the roof of a building so he could look into the town square. The three goblin archers who were waiting there (with the worg and its rider) took a pot-shot at him. (Oh yes, I forgot to tell you that Eirik had run back to the townsfolk and me to tell us what was happening.) So Hellsby and Oppillaa conferred behind the inn while trying to figure out what to do. The goblins seemed to be impatient - they started shooting flaming arrows at the roof of the inn where they'd seen Hellsby! To make matters worse, the goblins from the town hall had rounded up the women and children and were trying to escape from the town taking them with them!

Eventually the princess came up with a plan of her own - she'd cast a spell on them. So she and Athelred and Oppillaa snuck around the side of the building and she put the goblins to sleep. Unk stomped around the other side of the building and killed one of them just as the sweet dreams started. Athelred and Oppillaa fought the wolf, but then the goblins started waking up. So quickly! So Princess Valmyra cast her Color Spray spell on them, and that knocked most of them out. Unk killed the other one, and Athelred and Oppillaa killed the wolf. That was very impressive considering Oppillaa had nearly been killed by a goblin herself.

Meanwhile, Eirik had raised the alarm and the decision had been made by Christian the Fletcher to storm the barricades. Eirik and Snorri and Christian and Malachi Blackcrow and Big Nellie rushed the goblin barricade and started fighting them. Garm and Hellsby came along and helped them as well.

It seemed then that all of the goblins were dead except for the ones trying to escape with the women and children, so all of the fighting people grouped together and chased them. At the front was Big Nellie, and it seems she was so scary the goblins just turned tail and fled. Victory!

Oh yeah... except... the inn was burning down. We quickly formed a bucket brigade and saved most of it, but we won't be staying there tonight. Flora Sweethumb has kindly offered us accommodation in the town hall instead. And Walter the Taylor has given Hellsby a puppy - a Saint Bernard which he says he'll call Sammy.

Ahh... it will be nice to have a rest and several breakfasts in the morning. We have some shopping to do and some other things to take care of. I do hope there's no more drama.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Eirik and Snorri

I've been talking to Eirik and Snorri Bloodaxe about how two worshippers of Kord - the god of barbarians - came to be living in a (usually) peaceful little village. It turns out they were originally barbarian invaders who came sailing down the coast in a longship to plunder and pillage. It was their first trip. MOST EMBARRASSINGLY, Eirik suffered from terrible seasickness and had to stay with the boat when the others went to pillage and plunder. When the other invaders returned to the boat they were giving him a hard time about it, so Snorri took him away. The boat returned to the barbarian lands leaving Eirik and Snorri all by themselves. They found a quiet village where they could live a life without any boats at all. Eirik is still quite barbaric though - apparently his method of slaughtering cattle is unnecessarily enthusiastic.

More About Pansy

Someone was asking how I met Pansy. I think they thought she was my girlfriend. No, I only ever had one true love, and that ended in all sorts of sadness. Pansy is a cousin of mine, by which I mean she's my great-grandfather's granddaughter's niece-in-law. One time a couple of years ago I went through home selling snake oil and she asked me if I could take her to the city because she was bored with life in the village. I told her about my experience in the city and that I'd never take her there, so she asked if she could come with me. She is a much better cook than I am, and she's good with the ponies too, so she's a pleasure to have around. I think her aunt-in-law is suspicious of me travelling with a young girl such as her, but she is only 33 after all. If the shattered pieces of my heart ever reassemble... but they won't.

The Life of Mr Jumbles

Let me tell you a little about myself. When I was young I was the mischievous type - throwing rocks at birds, taking things that didn't belong to me, and all sorts of trouble. I was so good at it that I never got caught... well I did but not for a long time.

When I left home and went to live in a big city I fell in with a bad crowd. We would break into people's houses and steal anything we thought we could sell. We never got a lot because the people we were robbing were quite poor. We were poor too, and hungry all the time, which is quite traumatic for a hobbit, you know. Eventually we decided we needed to break into the big time and planned to rob a magic item warehouse.

What a disaster that was! We knew so little about wizardry that we were caught within minutes. Even worse, one of my friends was killed by a lightning trap. When the guards came to catch us I just sat down and cried and cried and cried. Eventually the owner of the warehouse arrived and took me into his office and started shouting at me. I was still crying and I told him "But I have to steal things! I'm hungry and I've got no money!"

The owner of the warehouse, who incidentally was a big fat human, looked at me and said "Look at me! Look at this big fat tummy! You tell me you've got nothing to eat and I've got plenty to eat and I don't steal anything! You're in the wrong business!" What he said made a lot of sense - he had his own business and was very rich. When he offered to give me a job I accepted straight away.

My first honest job then was selling magic potions in the market place. For a while he kept an eye on me, but then he started to trust me. I discovered I had a real gift for convincing people to buy things, and made quite a lot of money from that job. After only a few months I went to see my boss and told him I needed to get away from the city and take the job in the road. I bought a large supply of his most popular product - snake oil - and a cart and pony, and set off to sell snake oil to the world.

Ahh... that was such a long time ago, nearly 30 years. So many things have happened to me since then that you wouldn't believe. But those are stories for another time.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Bored at Eastbrook

It seems like it's taking forever to lift this siege! Hellsby and Oppillaa have snuck off and we haven't seen them for ages. Some of the locals have set up their own barricade and they're shooting at the goblins but I don't think they're hitting any of them. Luckily the goblins aren't hitting them, either.

The locals seem to be in two minds. The village constable, Malachi Blackcrow, seems to blame the women and children for getting themselves captured. The bowyer, Christian Fletcher, is leading the attack when you'd expect that to be Blackcrow's job. There are two brothers here - Snorri Bloodaxe the priest, and Eirik Bloodaxe the butcher, who think that Blackcrow should be doing more, and call him "Malachi the Meek". I have to say I agree with them.

I've been chatting to the mayor, Thora Sweethumb (yes, she's a gnome) and her husband Garl Sweethumb who keeps the general store, and they say nothing like this ever happens. I've been to Eastbrook a lot, and I've never seen anything like this before. I know there are goblins around (that's why I've got adventurers with me!) but usually they stay in the mountains.

I'm afraid Unk is making a bit of a pain of himself. Snorri is a priest of Kord, to whom Unk pays respect, and Unk has been kneeling in front of Snorri chanting some dirge in orcish for about 10 minutes now. Snorri is somewhat flattered and embarrassed because he doesn't understand a word of it.

Athelred is still trying to understand those scrolls. Garm has interrogated Thora about safety on the roads hereabouts. The princess seems to be hiding since Eirik Bloodaxe started paying rather too much attention to her. Pansy has been talking to Garl about all the things we'll need to buy, but he can't help her until he can get back to his shop safely. I just hope all the hostages get saved because the atmosphere in the tavern this evening won't be very jolly if there's a bloodbath.

Oh yes... mostly funny story... Oppillaa was sneaking around the village and managed to sneak RIGHT PAST a bugbear who was asleep under a tree without even noticing him. When he woke up he chased her so she climbed a tree. He started chopping the tree down so she jumped down, and he chased her and clobbered her. He walked off thinking she was dead and just then Hellsby arrived. So he turned around and chased Hellsby as well, right back into the waiting axes of Garm and Eirik Bloodaxe. While they were dealing with him the princess snuck over and rubbed some snake oil on Oppillaa and saved her life. SEE! IT DOES WORK. Just after that is when Hellsby and Oppillaa snuck off by themselves.